I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize