i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize