All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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