The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
