How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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