I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
