My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
