the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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