So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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