I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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