my vag is so smooth its legendary
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
