It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
