Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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