I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have post one night stand depression
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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