2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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