3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
