If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
