i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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