He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
foreskin is a definite game changer
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't deserve a penis
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
