and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
