Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
