I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm too high and old for this...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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