I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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