I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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