Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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