They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
