Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
