Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
