this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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