I wish I could teleport
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
