Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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