can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
