hotel room ftw
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
