Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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