But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
