i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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