Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
