Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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