Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
