I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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