wrigley field is MILF paradise
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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