What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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