I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
