3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
