remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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