Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
this is an emotional support booty call
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize