Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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