I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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