Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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