i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
