my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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