Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
