Quick, to the slutcave!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
