Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
