Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
