doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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