Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
