Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
