I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
