So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
