Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize