U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
this boner is exhausting
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
