on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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