look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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