That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
