I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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