At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
