I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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