When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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