I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
