Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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