He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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