So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Green mimosas i think yes
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
