im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
