Too much gin, very little bucket
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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