Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
