You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
