On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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