Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
