he puts the penis in happiness.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
