Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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