Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it's great music for shaving your balls
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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