I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I love you.
Bad choice
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
