she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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