So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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