I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you still have your period?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
