Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
