I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
